CANYON LAKE, Texas (PNN) - June 24, 2014 - My wife and I were in Austin last week to visit some friends and family, and took a trip with my wife's cousin and their family to Canyon Lake. This is between Austin and New Braunfels, and we took a trip down the Guadalupe River. A lot of people go there for a leisurely float down the river in inner tubes. It was a nice sunny Saturday and the place was packed. The river ride was (way) too slow for my tastes; when I heard “river raft,” I had a distinctly different and more adventurous idea than the snails-pace at which the tube floated. Nevertheless, off we went.
It takes two hours to go from the drop-off point to the end. As we passed the middle of the ride, my wife says to me, "Honey look at all the cops! Right here! In the river!"
Lo and behold, there were six uniformed Comal County sheriffs wearing their hip boots, forming a human blockade; a checkpoint in the river, blocking every inner tube from passing. They had on their sunglasses, their hands on their hips and their arms folded, with smug attitudes. I was shocked at the absurdity of it. I mean I've heard of checkpoints everywhere, but in a river floating in an inner tube?
My wife's cousin was first one to approach the overly eager sheriff in her tube. "You got any glass bottles or Styrofoam?" barked the terrorist pig thug cop.
"Uhh.. no?" she replied.
"Okay I need to look", he said, as he gestured for towards the raft.
Unfortunately for him, I was seated right next to the ice chest and I put my hand on it.
"You ever heard of the Fourth Amendment?" I asked, very loudly.
This seemed to take them by surprise and one of the sheriffs sheepishly replied, "Yes, that's why we ask!"
"Good. No, you can't search nothin'," I replied.
We continued to float towards the sheriffs and our raft was about to bump into one of them, since the idiot wouldn't get out of the way. I said, "Excuse me," and he moved out of the way before being bumped. I conjured up images of a trumped up "bumper boat assault on a (terrorist pig thug cop) charge" involved if the tube dared to bump the freak.
I then told them "have a nice day", to which not a single one of them replied.
As we continued past the terrorist pig thug cops, my wife explained to her cousin that she is not required to let terrorist pig thug cops search her things. I added, "Yeah, but no one knows, so they just let them do it!" Everyone in the river was allowing the sheriffs to search their tubes and ice chests.
I then asked some young people in the river if they let the cop search their things and they said yes. As I explained, one young 20-something bikini-clad woman river-partier said, "You don't have to let them!?" as if she was greatly surprised by such a notion. That was very sad.
"That's right, you don't have to allow them to search anything. Tell them to get a warrant," I said. "It's called the Fourth Amendment!" I held up four fingers and repeated "Fourth Amendment. It's real short. Google it!"
She held up four fingers, copying my hand motion, and said "Wow, thanks!"
I only wish I would have grabbed video of this river checkpoint. But who takes their spy phone in an inner tube?
If anyone is floating down Canyon Lake, you do not have to consent to let the Comal County sheriffs search your belongings.