Idiots

Date: December 28, 2004

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the "Deer Crossing" sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer were being hit by cars", and he didn’t want them to cross there anymore.

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce". He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That’s why we ask."

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who as leaving the company due to "downsizing", our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."

Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s-side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I announced to the mechanic, "it’s open!"

To which he replied, "I know. I already got that side."