Americans with No Abilities Act!

WASHINGTON - February 13, 2008 - A Congressional bill sponsored by Harry Reid (D-NV) proposes sweeping legislation which will provide new benefits for many of our neglected and impoverished citizens, namely the Americans with No Abilities Act (AWNAA).  A bill that is being hailed as a major legislative goal by the Democratic Party and advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer.  "We can no longer stand by and allow people of no ability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of gifted workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance effectiveness.  Rep. Pelosi pointed out that approximately 84 percent of postal employees exhibit no job skills whatsoever, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of persons of inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against inept and incompetent workers include retail sales (52%), the airline industry (48%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (45%).  Two of the leading 'fast food'  franchises share a firm hold on first place at 81% each.

At the state government level, Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of hiring persons of little or no ability (73%). Even the Transportation Security Administration has a high record, hiring up to 88% of its staff with little or mostly no ability.

Under the Americans with No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle no management" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles, but little real responsibility, thus reinforcing the illusory sense of purpose and performance.

The AWNAA mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the least gifted employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of persons of inability into middle-no-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two more talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled by banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

"As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut turner at the General Motors plant in Flint, Michigan, owing to her lack of any discernible job skills.  "This new law should really help people like me."

With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other talent challenged citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy said, "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that we elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."