What is the best location for a cache on your property?

May 25, 2017 - As the title suggests, this article will outline several methods to hide your stuff underground.  Be advised: this means you’ll have to have some property at your disposal.

Caches are the ultimate backup plan because everyone wants to hide their stuff, but hiding it effectively is a different matter. Yes, everyone wants a set of diagrams and ideas, but you should have a plan before you implement your construction. Let’s outline some basic principles and considerations first that it would do you good to keep in mind.

A word to the wise

Firstly, OPSEC (Operational Security) is paramount with any kind of project such as this. You must keep everyone out of the loop: nosy, big-mouthed neighbors; prying relatives; overly curious co-workers; ad infinitum. You can’t advertise what you’re doing and expect any measure of success. What you place in what we’ll call your “storage room” is your business and your business alone. The only ones in the loop with you should be ones you can rely on absolutely to keep their mouths shut.

The perfect location for your cache

You must take time to find the ideal location on your property for your storage room. Be advised: there are local cops, the sheriff’s department, the IRS, ad infinitum ad nauseam… an endless conga line of creeps who can metamorphose and metastasize almost instantly overnight with a full-blown tyranny. They have everything at their disposal courtesy of your tax dollars: infrared scanners, metal detectors, drug and bomb-sniffing canines, etc.

That said, if you think you are going to be able to hide something from them right next to the house, you had better think again. They’ll sweep the entire area with a fine-toothed comb… with you there or with you in matching silver bracelets, being chauffeured to jail. You can optimally hide your supplies by doing two things:

1. Throw them a bone

They must pick up something and can’t leave empty handed… I’m not talking about anything illegal, mind you, such as drugs or bombs. I’m talking about if they wish to confiscate your weapons, etc. when the government morphs into tyranny. Throwing them a bone means you should give them a few things. For example, one or two rifles and a couple of pistols, along with some ammo.

For anyone who disagrees with this and recites the “when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers” line, go ahead… they will. They’ll either do that or worse. You won’t be able to face them and defeat them head on. It’s better to lose a small part than to lose it all.

If you can’t part with your firearms, consider hiding some less innocuous items like tools, food and/or clothing.

2. Have your storage room in the most unlikely place to find it that you can

You know your own property. It’s going to be up to you to know these unlikely places, and whether it is feasible to use them. Let’s go over some ideas and general spots:

• Near the septic tank: Yes, indeed, that septic tank can be a perfect cover for an adjoining structure in the form of a concrete tube or cubicle set into the ground right next to it. You can really make it look good by ensuring they both physically touch, and then throwing some cement in the joint to make it appear as if they’re one structure.
• Farthest points on the property: The four corners and adjacent spots… the greater the distance between the storage room and the house, the better.
• Surface running water camouflage: A small stream or creek flowing across your property? Stick that storage room under it. You temporarily divert all or part of the creek… sink that storage room underground, and then allow the stream to return to its normal flow. This method is best done with a cache rather than a walk-in storage room, for obvious reasons… you won’t be able to get to it rapidly.
• Under something innocuous: A children’s swing set, or a decorative fountain/goldfish pond in your front yard.
• Under/near a stone wall, panel partition, or fence: Not a normal place for the normal people to look.

There are several decisions you must make before you undertake all of this. Most of them deal with structure and logistics. How much stuff do you want to store, and what? Are you going to close it off in the manner of a cache, or are you going to make it more accessible.

How much time and labor are you willing to put into it, along with money? If someone else is building it, are they reliable in terms of keeping their mouths shut? Even more: will they take what you have if they are given the opportunity? Or in a SHTF situation, might they show up on your doorstep to take what you have?

You can’t rule out any of these possibilities. You may also want to screen off the area that is most visible while it is being built. You’ll have to consider it all: the nosy neighbors, friends and relatives, and the governmental pests in all their taxing and enforcing forms. Remember to keep your powder dry and well hidden.