Ordering Pizza in 2010

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: May I have your NIDN first, sir?

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610.

Operator: Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?

Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?

Operator: We're wired into the system, sir.

Customer: (sighs) Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: What do you mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: Darn. What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like that.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Let me give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn.

Customer: Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes. If you're in a hurry, you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.

Customer: How the heck do you know I'm riding a bike?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed.

Customer: @#%/$@&?#!

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2-liter bottle of Coke.

Operator: I'm sorry, sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.