When insults had class!

on . Posted in Humor and Inspiration

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language was boiled down to 4-letter words.

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The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."


He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

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A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."


"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

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"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

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"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

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"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."  - Clarence Darrow

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"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

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"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

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"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

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"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

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"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill


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"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.

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"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

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"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright


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"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

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"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson


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"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

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"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

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"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

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"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

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"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

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"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

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"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

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"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder


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"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

 

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