Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another “economic stimulus” payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Question: What is an “Economic Stimulus” payment?
Answer: It is money that the Federal government will send to taxpayers.
Question: Where will the government get this money?
Answer: From the taxpayers.
Question: So the government is giving me back my own money?
Answer: Only a smidgen of it.
Question: What is the purpose of this payment?
Answer: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a High Definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Question: But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
Answer: Shut up and stop asking so many stupid questions.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
- If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
- If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
- If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
- If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
- If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
- If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
- If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
- Spending it at yard sales, or
- Going to ball games, or
- Spending it on prostitutes, or
- Beer or
These are the only American businesses still operating in the United States.
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.