U.S. medals tally at the Beijing 2008 Olympics show some surprise performances!

on . Posted in Humor and Inspiration

 

  1. George W Bush, Gold Medal, Beijing 2008 in the category of number of diapers soiled. The category was Power Crapping.  Little Lord George was the favorite to win the Gold because the entire world already knew he is full of bulls**t in staggering proportions. His performance proves it, but that is only part of the story: W was also the only certified 'imbecile' entered in the event.  Apparently, no other nation felt it could outdo Bush in the bulls**t department and he competed unopposed.
  2. Richard B. 'Tricky Dick' Cheney, Gold Medal, in a new Olympic speed record for sliding around the track on his own sleaze. It was awesome.  Dickey was clocked at close to 60km/h in tennis shoes, chasing a US $100 dollar bill around the track, sort of like those greyhounds chase that mechanical rabbit. The Chinese were so amazed his pacemaker did not stop, thousands of them were chanting "See Dick Lun! See Dick Lun!" They will remember that performance for many years in the Beijing Bird Nest Stadium.
  3. Condoleezza 'Kindasleazy' Rice, Bronze Medal, set a new fast-talk record for jaw-jabbering but her poor overall points totals cost her the Gold or Silver.. She got a 9.5 on speed but only a 2.0 on content.  The only reason she won the Bronze was because the Chinese judges knew she was utterly full of sh*t but she was talking far too fast for them to tell for certain. The judges apparently did think it was sort of cute the way she waved at them all the time like one of those little plastic China dolls you can buy to put on the car dashboard...the one with the head that bobs up and down and the hands on the end of little, round springs.
  4. John McCain failed to win a medal.  You can't compete if you don't show up.  The addled, pending Republican Presidential candidate forgot where the games were, not a big surprise for a man who can't find the Iraq-Pakistan border.  Best guess is he apparently thought Beijing was somewhere in that vicinity.
  5. Barack Hussein Obama, the other pending candidate, failed to win anything.  He tried to compete under the name of 'Slick Wobama' but Chinese officials determined his papers were bogus. They kept trying to explain to him that 'The Grand Chessboard' was not an Olympic event. He became rude and indignant, insisting that 'since he is going to be the next U.S. president' they should at least let him compete for best NWO Speech.  Beijing officials had a good laugh at that. The latest word is he is still being detained for psychiatric evaluation and is now knocking back three packs a day.

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